dormant, because they don't have the courage or the drive to
hunt in public. But the Internet provides the cover of darkness
and inspires courage in those who normally lack it. Cybersex
is about developing and maintaining a hidden world, below
the barrier, that the Internet user will do anything to protect
and keep locked away.
The Cybersex Collection contains Hermes' Webs, the
Hoberman Sphere, and other character toys that help to
illustrate and explain the root causes and pathologies
associated with cybersex use.
One 8" client's/student's Web with a barrier
One 8" practitioner's Web with a barrier
One small Hoberman Sphere
Hermes' Webs and Barriers
Provide one Hermes' Web to your client or student and use the other
Web as your personal tool.
Hermes' Web, in terms of cybersex, illustrates the normal life of the
ego and the hidden world of cybersex down below the barrier, which
works to keep it hidden. Cybersex is about having a hidden world
with powerful, intense core-level needs. On the surface, in the ego,
there is much denial. There are also passwords, deletions, and
other technical ways to guard the barrier so no one discovers what is
going on below.
Hoberman Sphere
People hide what is in the core, rather than deal with it directly. As
long as it's kept locked up, it's safe. But the Internet offers a whole
new possibility. People can open up that locked world, expand it
outwards, and find entire new worlds to explore in a myriad of
directions, colors, flavors, paraphilias, etc. When someone enters
the World Wide Web, it expands, like the Hoberman, to meet every
needs and fantasy, however bizarre and unusual. It's an intoxicating
feeling to have that tiny secret world open up into a whole universe
with numerous forms of exotic life.
*Colors may vary
Shady lawyer
Bendable spider
Renfield and Nosferatu dioramas
The toad
Shady Lawyer
The ego becomes a lawyer whose job it is to deny, deny, deny. The lawyer creates reasonable doubt,
comes up with explanations, justifies, blames, and does anything but take responsibility. If caught on
pornographic sites on the Internet, the lawyer exclaims, "it must have been the babysitter." "It was a
used computer," or "I was doing research because I was abused as a child" — the Pete Townsend
defense. The lawyer will try anything to get people to believe that this is the only time it has happened
and he just happened to get caught. "Besides, I'll never do it again because it's slimier than I
thought." The lawyer will also come up with justifications for the financial implications of cybersex. "I
got a bonus at work, so we're not going to get behind because of my Internet sex bill."
Bendable Spider
There are lots of spiders on the World Wide Web. They are on the hunt. These same men and
women would never leave the house to hunt a sexual partner, but on the Internet, they're safe. They
don't have to risk being seen. They can use a false identity. They can pretend to be a 16-year-old boy,
when actually, they're an obese 50-year old man. Spiders seek prey like vampires seek blood to
engorge themselves.
The Perfect Servant Syndrome describes a lot of cybersex addicts. On the surface, they pretend all is
well. They pretend they're happy in their relationship, when actually they're quite miserable,
especially emotionally and sexually. They don't feel desired or honored. They don't feel their partner
is willing to explore or embody their fantasies. They grow increasingly resentful over time, but they
shove the feelings down into the core, out of site, and pretend they don't exist. This is Renfield — the
servant in handcuffs, chains, and a jaw brace with his middle finger cut off.
Eventually, if cybersex addicts don't do something about these feelings, if they don't work them out,
leave the relationship, or speak up, the vampire arrives. Their repressed needs and desires take on
a life of their own — and necessity knows no law. Once that deep need or desire kicks in, they don't
care what the law is, what their commitments are, and who they hurt or how. This is Nosferatu, the
vampire. It must feed. It has an incredible hunger, but that hunger is something the ego is deeply
ashamed of. Therefore, the barrier doesn't let the hunger see the light of day. The person goes crazy
playing the servant Renfield until the vampire energy builds up enough to go out and get what it
wants. And, there is no limit to getting those needs met on the Internet.
The toad is instinctual sexuality. Sex is the toad’s primary interest – whatever he/she has to do, say,
or lie about in order to get good sex is OK with the Toad. The toad has no morals, values or ethics
in the conventional sense. If a person wants the toad to operate with a sense of values, to honor
marital or relational commitments, he or she will have to bring the morals and ethics to the toad. If
one leaves the decision up to the toad, the toad will always choose sex and leave you to clean up
the mess. Burying the toad is dangerous. Some men never introduce their wives or girlfriends to the
toad. The toad needs to be included in relationship or it will create its own separate, often invisible
world where it has its way and finds freedom.
Cybersex is all about the toad of the psyche. Cybersex is the toad’s playground. But the toad can be
very nasty when he has been kept hidden. The deeper he’s been pushed down and the more
separated the ego is from the core, the less that attachment, caring, heart, compassion, or empathy
are likely to be involved in his activities. The toad has the possibility of finding TOTAL freedom on the
Internet.
